The Great Debate

By Abbi Crutchfield

America may be squabbling over who won the presidential debates, but in my relationship the hot topics are not policy or temperament, they are price and location. My fiancé Luke and I are stubbornly clinging to our separate apartments and citing the reasons for which place to keep after we tie the knot.

Both candidates have glaring shortcomings. Mine has no closets, but his has no view. Negotiations with my shower temperature have failed month after month, and his basement harbors New York’s most well known cemetery for bugs. In his attempt to discredit my apartment, Luke has run a smear campaign, citing my ceiling that fell in, my routinely blown fuses and my damp hallway from the neighbor’s leaky shower. I have no choice but to issue a plea to the American public.

Dear Hip Slope Mamas, my opponent claims he is out to save money, but last month, instead of contributing to the wedding fund, he bought comedy albums. Luke boasts a list of home improvements he will make before we move in, but he voted, “No” on Proposition Return-the-mustard-to-the-fridge. Where’s the follow-through? When you vote for a future apartment this November, vote logically. Then after you realize his place is a logical $300 less, consider ripping up your ballot and siding with me. Because my place is better.


A comedy virtuoso, Abbi Crutchfield keeps her plate full in New York city with writing, performing stand-up, improvisational comedy, creating sketches, starring and directing in short films and producing a live comedy hour show in Park Slope called The Living Room. She is also a regular contributor to Hip Slope Mama.

To find out more about how Abbi and her fiance met and got engaged visit their wedding site on theknot.com For a daily laugh, read her Curly Comedy blog.

Posted by Monkeydoodle at Sunday, October 26, 2008