By Abbi Crutchfield
The question “How’s married life?” that I get from co-workers combines the benign morning greeting, “How are you?” with recognition that in addition to being office furniture you are also married. I did not always understand this. At first I thought the question was one of curiosity, filled with interest about my feelings on betrothal and how I was adjusting to the transition. I finally figured out the answer that everyone wants to hear: So far so good. But it took several weeks of honest attempts and gauging reactions before I landed on the appropriate response.
Week 1: Huh? Oh, my married life. I keep forgetting I’m married. But I’m still my own person you know. I kept my name. Not that giving yours up was a bad choice.
Week 2: It’s fine. We sleep in separate corners of the studio. How’s divorced life?
Week 3: Great! Super great! My husband makes me dinner AND does the dishes. I made homemade pudding pops for us the other day. I do an impression that he says sounds nothing like Cosby, but I say, “Everyone’s a critic Dr. HUBStible.”
Week 4: I’m a wife. Did you know that Mr. is an abbreviation for master and Mrs. is an abbreviation for master’s?
Week 5: Fabulous. We’re so busy going to the gym together. Look, the barbell has nicked my ring. I would take it off, but I’m so used to keeping it on. I feel completely naked without it. Yes, the heart design was his idea. By the way, did you see our wedding slide show?
Week 6: 80 degrees and sunny today. Rain on Tuesday though. Don’t forget to bring your umbrella. Hey, I wish I could chat, but I need to finish photocopying something. Something…I left at my desk-okay-bye.
Week 7: Sorry, can’t tell you, I have to save it for the stage! (artificial laughter)
Week 8: Fine I guess. Does your husband insist on saving his old underwear for dust rags?
A comedy virtuoso, Abbi Crutchfield keeps her plate full in New York city with writing, performing stand-up, improvisational comedy, creating sketches, starring and directing in short films and producing a live comedy hour show in Park Slope called The Living Room. She is also a regular contributor to Hip Slope Mama. For a daily laugh, read her Curly Comedy blog.
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